Ease

Air is all the gloom
My pain in bossom bloom
All the talks and noise
Are the clinging doom

In the eyes stoned and dreamy
Tomorrow is just another tomorrow
Yesterday was a lost echo
And future always seems creamy

But when I am with myself
No one is with me or mine
Writing down pain helps but not
Your words scream for help

You write and you think
You think more than you should
In thoughts darker than charcoal
Linger at teary brink

Healing is just a hoax
In time you become numb
And stay the way until you succumb
With enough to death coax

Oh heaven, will it ever cease?
Lest I go on and lay my heart
To the ruthless dust of my thoughts
And die when it’s enough to ease?

Water Stain

If my eyes hurt you
And if my touch burns
There is much to be through
That’s how a man learns

‘Cause if my heart hurts
And if my love wears out
I have two hands to work
To wipe tears’ whereabouts

If the world seems sadder
On yesterday’s blunders
It all is but just a ladder
To the times you would do wonders

My love is a water stain
And your love a fine flower
Mine will get uglier in rain
Yours will thrive in its shower

So don’t leave your heart at my door
Sadness scavanges here at night
I’ve buried mine at the ocean shore
‘Cause I’m too weary to put up a fight

Go find yourself a fire to fuel
Bones that ignite your soul
Your kingdom on someone to rule
Without a hole in a heart or a heart in a hole

A Visceral Castration

Dear Hachi,
The last time I wrote you I told you how I was left feeling something visceral. No, it wasn’t love. It was just a feeling of being left alone by someone for no good reason. I told you how I wondered if anyone would ever love me like you did. And today once again I feel like crying because I feel everything in my heart except love. I feel compassion, I feel passion, I feel hate and anger all the same, I feel care and sadness, I feel happiness and joy. But it seems like my heart has forgotten how to feel all of them in one place.
I guess I have met two people who would do anything to make me fall in love, perhaps one more than the other. Last night I felt a fire, bright and fierce, that it has left me scared. I am afraid that fire is going to burn so much down or maybe turn something into pure gold but perhaps barren. That is the thing about fires, of the gut, of heart or of substance. If controlled, it becomes the most beneficial asset, and if not controlled, it burns its beholder to ashes and everything around. I am afraid I have set a fire at places, where I am the one who couldn’t be warmed up by it. Am I an arsonist Hachi? Am I born to leave a trail of broken hearts behind me, or everyone does the same and I am no different, quite opposite to what everyone says.
Will I ever fall in love again now that I have loved you with my soul? You know if you walk up to me once and tell me that I should let myself go and fall into this river flowing from the beautiful people, I will fall in love without thinking again. But the fact is that you are gone and I will never hear your voice again. Why has it become so hard after you? Why am I suffering even when I am liberated?
Why do people fall in love with me Hachi when I am the most incapable of loving? It makes me want to cry. I feel impotent in my heart. Yet no one seems to understand the suffering. Is it my fault?
Has the story reversed Hachi? Will I keep waiting for you all my life?

Two Months

Oh Delhi, you old yet raw abode
Your veins are flooded
Your bones are cluttered.
The way you boil is impatient,
And your slithering chill sedates
Yet culminates the hearts.
You rise and you run the miles.
You do not sleep or yawn.
The wind you harbour is not air
It is life playing and bruising
It is hopes assembled and raged.
How I hate your guts
The way you churn our souls
There is a dishonesty in your honesty
And dishonesty that reeks of honest pain.
You can turn a rock into gold
And make titanium crumble
That is your might, your force.
Love has a million meanings to you
And yet love for you is pure.
You can take more than you give
And what you give is forever more
Than what we take in believe
And you ever did the candid
Show that outdid forevermore.
Change of seasons and weather
That muses the muse and troubles the breath
They say you reek of inhumane shell
Yet I find a humanity lying in your fissures
Strange, frightening and intimidating humanity
In the furnace of your revolutions
So fierce that it tans the souls
Makes some wings rust and some soar.
You withdraw whatever, whenever you want
And you give like a humble old woman
Aren’t you fascinating?
Never growing old, never the same
Such cage of sad pleasure
Such land of rising dreams
For heartbreak enliven wants
Weaving their meanings in your lap.

To End

Oh dear life
Where are you?
Waiting in the shades
I have been
Weary, shaking
In the hands of cold
Over the night
Welp, you too?
Waiver and fade
In the unseen
Withering, slacking
In pains two fold
And meet me by my old
Home abandoned, broken
Humble abode
Crucify my memory
Mount on the front wall
Castrate my soul
And masterpiece me cold
Heart sullen, woken
Halted on nodes
Call me if you see
Mundane me like Fall
Crude Bones are old after all
Buried in my face
Looming in my skin
Lunging for riddance
From me, from us
Turning to ashes
For we are apart
Benign be on me, grace
Love, dear life to win
Let me sleep thence
Feel your healing gush
Tending in your eyelashes
Forever, to start
To end.

Dear Hachi

Dear Hachi,
It has been a year now that you were there and it has been more than 9 months since you left me. I have tried to move on from your memories but every time my heart comes and breaks down at them. If you were a person, my love would have been validated and my pain might have been felt by my fellow beings. But alas! People say that they understand, but they do not know my pain. They do not understand how I have cried for you, again and again, they do not understand the solace you brought to my heart, they do not understand how I lost a part of me when I lost you. How could they? A relationship between a man and an animal has always been defined by the perspective of the animals because you are the ones who don’t have a voice yet love the most. My pain becomes invalid because it is something they have never pondered upon, because we humans are selfish and we move on so easily. Then why is it that I cannot move on from you?
It is summer again, the same time when you would push your body against mine because you could not sleep otherwise. I never shared my bed with anyone yet you would sleep on it with me like it was yours, indeed it was yours. I never felt comfortable in that bed ever since. I Remember, you would never sleep with your mommy or play with her because you wanted me more than you wanted her, or so it seemed to be. You would not leave me alone for a moment; whenever I would go out of the home, you would start to panic and cry. And for that reason, I never stayed anywhere for more than a day. It is that time again when you made me fall in love with you when you made me believe that love transcends everything.
Dear Hachi, the reason that I am writing today is because I want to cry. I do not think I will ever be loved by a human being as much as you loved me. Once again today, someone let me down, someone let me know that I was hoping in vain. Just when I think I am there, I am never there. I think about you most of the times, I see you in every dog’s face. I know you will never be here again, you will never read this, you will never come again. But how much I hope to be proven wrong, just a wishful thinking. I wish I could hold you again and cry, cry because I am not perfect and I don’t think anyone else will love me but you. I hope you come back again, I hope we could share a bed again, I hope I could give you a life that you deserved.
My heart has come to a halt without you, I hope it is not over yet. I hope I could give all the love to someone that I couldn’t give you. I hope I could show someone what you showed me. Dear Hachi, I love you and I will till my dying breath.

My Love

In the corner of that Metro seat
There I saw a raging heat
Spark in those sweet eyes
Mercy of laughter at my heartbeats
Never knew what love looked like
Until it crashed into my heart
That one look, one smile
Taste of salvation set me apart
And I knew our hearts were beating together

Who knew you’d liked me too
And sky would be extraordinarily blue
When you asked me out, sweet lord
And laid by lake in the morning dew
Love looked like us suspended in the moonlight
And I crashed into your arms, my home
Our hearts were valleys of flowers
And your eyes were my greatest roam
And You knew our hearts were beating together

I remember when we fought the world
And you used your voice and words
The nights you couldn’t sleep, my love
Till you won and freed the birds
And Love looked like your wedding ring
Then flowers crashed on the aisle
Our dog we raised and lost, you cried
Like never before for months while
And we knew our hearts were beating together

I saw you across the street in the summer heat
Like the past was on repeat
Years just to come to this
When from bus you saved that kid
Love looked like tubes in your skin
Your strong smile crashed my strength
I carried you home when I knew I had to
You slept peacefully at the end
And I knew my heart was beating alone

Loud the colours

Reverent the pace

Hoping in bubbles

Obtuse to race

Walking to meadows

Talking the grace

Louder the bellow’s

Thunder in lace

When they come marching

Flowers and love

Nimbus in arm-swing

Spring gale above

See a revolution of rainbow

To ignite world a-glow

A Broken Man

I am down with drugs
February feels bright
Picking my bones dried dirt
My skin’s smeared in blight
My room is a mess
My heart is dirty white
An inch from foam around
The kid has now died
My love, my love is substituted
With the needles, the powder
I hear my life falling apart
This once its louder
I hear things and see them
Spirals of smoke I afloat
Aligned to the floor I fly
Drifting in my lonesome boat

I am down like silt
Naked in a broken lust
Shallow, so shallow is view
My penis is a replica of dust
My want loaths alone here
With a somber fun wasted
My soul is of salty sweat
I know, I have tasted
I am a brine of vile
Mounted in this silent room
With high flowing inside
Substance of meander doom
Days I spend, nights and in between
I fly in an unseen sky
Come find me lying in filth
Waiting for the world to die

Pain and Its Friends

The sky wore the blackening blue like a patch of hurt skin that shifts hues dolorously for the damage that has been so unkind, so unforgiving. The Vigour in the air that so far giggled with those snoozing little kids of hers was as silent and treacherous as the dying sun over some lone and sad desert existing in a forever ennui. The land beneath her paws that had been so appealing all this while had become appaling, for her offsprings were nowhere to be found.

She barely understood the meaning of death, she was not as sentinent as a human being. Her litter of pups that had not even opened their eyes yet had gone to silence just a week ago. Her breasts were bloated with milk, churning and aching to be sucked by those little mouths that were left open.

If only she understood how and why she had to find her little pups lying on the side of the road with that red flowing from their mutilated bodies, she could have felt bereaved at least but alas! All that she understood was that they would not move even after her many futile attempts.

Where had they gone to now? She had been crying on the streets, looking for them, but they were nowhere to be found. She had been feeling wrong all this time, how could it be? Wrong was the only thing she felt, without any definition, without any reference to it, it was just a feeling of ‘wrong’ that she always felt whenever she was wounded. Waiting by their unmoving bodies, waiting for them to wake up, she had fallen asleep by them, and oh! how wrong she was to. For when she opened her eyes they were gone, only the red was there; where had they gone to, abandoning her in that gruesome street? Why would they?

She could not understand what was happening, something so precious to her was vanished and she had no clue to where. Streets were gloomy, people looked at her with pity, she knew that look but she did not want bread from them, she wanted her pups.

Where possibly could they be gone? She had been bawling. Did she understand what sadness is? Did she understand what loss is? Was there any definition of the feelings in her world? All that she felt now was a longing, the ‘wrong’ had grown into ‘longing’ in no time, and it ate at her heart, much like one of those desperate times when she could not get food for days and it ate at her gut, perhaps worse than that.

People looked at her, yet again, she was digging another hole only to find handful of nothing. She had dug so many holes in that empty field, trying to find something desperately, crying loudly after each dig. There was a trail of dirt on the both sides of her face with a condemning desire in her black eyes and a pain in her body whenever she walked. She was unable to understand where she could find her pups again. She left the field once more, to look for them into another alley, milk was dripping from her breasts, she was bawling.

People that looked at her with pity till yet had started to feel irked. A dog crying in the neighborhood was a bad omen to them. It was time some of them aimed a piece of stone at her to hush her away.