As I sit today with a sense of void
It is easy to comprehend that I might crumble
With my thoughts shimmering low
And my body giving a way to cold
My palms sweat excessively, so do my feets
I feel this sadness crawl into my gut
The final place where it would rest
I feel as weak as a broken branch of a tree
My whole tree, my sense of self, seems to have abandoned me
I can feel my heart slowing down
Just enough to let me know that love is dead
But not low enough to die along with it
As I try to begin to understand
How some people never intended to let me down
It’s just that their best wasn’t as big as I expected
And soon as my hopes crumble right under my feet
As my aspirations abandon my eyes
I could see all of them crying for me there
And as I begin to wonder if I am sinking into my lost eyes
Mirror breaks just a little
My heart cannot sink in its own blood
So it starts to sink in my failures
Just enough to succumb and porpoise
But not enough to let go and find a release
Not that it has no strength
It could still go on and lift the world, take on it again
But what for? Where is the purpose?
What keeps you alive if spirit is.. just gone?
I can hear my heart screaming at times
Haunted by all the love it smothered itself
Why does it not want to hope again?
Perhaps, because hopes have abandoned it, to find a better place
After all, they were alive when they left
No one wants a grave for a home
But here I walk, a grave of a thousand dreams
An obituary of dismantled brain
Here where an unexplored world lives within a ravaged one.
A failing system of organs.
It has been a year now that you were there and it has been more than 9 months since you left me. I have tried to move on from your memories but every time my heart comes and breaks down at them. If you were a person, my love would have been validated and my pain might have been felt by my fellow beings. But alas! People say that they understand, but they do not know my pain. They do not understand how I have cried for you, again and again, they do not understand the solace you brought to my heart, they do not understand how I lost a part of me when I lost you. How could they? A relationship between a man and an animal has always been defined by the perspective of the animals because you are the ones who don’t have a voice yet love the most. My pain becomes invalid because it is something they have never pondered upon, because we humans are selfish and we move on so easily. Then why is it that I cannot move on from you?
It is summer again, the same time when you would push your body against mine because you could not sleep otherwise. I never shared my bed with anyone yet you would sleep on it with me like it was yours, indeed it was yours. I never felt comfortable in that bed ever since. I Remember, you would never sleep with your mommy or play with her because you wanted me more than you wanted her, or so it seemed to be. You would not leave me alone for a moment; whenever I would go out of the home, you would start to panic and cry. And for that reason, I never stayed anywhere for more than a day. It is that time again when you made me fall in love with you when you made me believe that love transcends everything.
Dear Hachi, the reason that I am writing today is because I want to cry. I do not think I will ever be loved by a human being as much as you loved me. Once again today, someone let me down, someone let me know that I was hoping in vain. Just when I think I am there, I am never there. I think about you most of the times, I see you in every dog’s face. I know you will never be here again, you will never read this, you will never come again. But how much I hope to be proven wrong, just a wishful thinking. I wish I could hold you again and cry, cry because I am not perfect and I don’t think anyone else will love me but you. I hope you come back again, I hope we could share a bed again, I hope I could give you a life that you deserved.
My heart has come to a halt without you, I hope it is not over yet. I hope I could give all the love to someone that I couldn’t give you. I hope I could show someone what you showed me. Dear Hachi, I love you and I will till my dying breath.
I am down with drugs
February feels bright
Picking my bones dried dirt
My skin’s smeared in blight
My room is a mess
My heart is dirty white
An inch from foam around
The kid has now died
My love, my love is substituted
With the needles, the powder
I hear my life falling apart
This once its louder
I hear things and see them
Spirals of smoke I afloat
Aligned to the floor I fly
Drifting in my lonesome boat
I am down like silt
Naked in a broken lust
Shallow, so shallow is view
My penis is a replica of dust
My want loaths alone here
With a somber fun wasted
My soul is of salty sweat
I know, I have tasted
I am a brine of vile
Mounted in this silent room
With high flowing inside
Substance of meander doom
Days I spend, nights and in between
I fly in an unseen sky
Come find me lying in filth
Waiting for the world to die
My tears have fed my sight
My breaths have dried my throat
As the world this tender broke
My footprints fled the road
My heart has wounding heal
And my soul has clogging wings
With a zealous touch of weal
My chords are mending strings
My hopes are dry with lark
My world is falling still
Yet my passion is strong
To have the downfalls fill
My death must live once but now
For my life is learning to-how.
If I wait for you all my life,
Would you be mine?
If I know there’s something beyond
And there’s no society there,
Not the years, not the tears,
Neither an eternity nor a still,
Just a beyond beyond beyond.
Till death we do part
Would you be mine after death?
If these eyes stop seeing
And heart stops beating,
Ears work no more,
Neither could the touch work.
And there’s no obligation,
Neither a regret nor pride,
Would I see you by my side?
You don’t have to say,
Just look at me and nod.
I know the world is treacherous,
There’s no escape for us.
If I can’t feel you till death,
Would you run to me if I wait?
I have been shedding tears,
Making room for when I would see you,
In the beyond beyond beyond.
Would you be in that place?
Neither nothing nor a fair,
No dust or a day.
Where my wait would measure,
All wait that I stay.
You don’t have to come,
If doesn’t run your will,
But would this pain be worth then?
To death if I wait in your name,
After this day, would I see you again?
You don’t have to cry,
Would we meet in the beyond beyond beyond?
If you were by my side
Beside me on the deck
Looking into the water
And my heart wasn’t a wreck
If you were in my arms
Like a child asleep
Maybe I won’t have thoughts of
Being lost in the deep
And if you knew the touch of
Shattered homes and a life
Was not easy to get through
Tears and heart on knife
If you were to see my eyes
If in them you had seen
Maybe you’d know the suffer
Of what we could’ve been
If my fingers tremble
If yours knew the way
To help me not remember
All the words you wouldn’t say
If sky was not a blue patch
And world was never green
It sure would be the colour
The most that I’ve seen
If only I didn’t love you
And we never had a thing
I wouldn’t know where to focus
And it’s a sweet nothing
So if you know that I love you
Would you come here running?
And save me from the water
That calls me for homecoming.
He was a little unable
Everyone else was the same
He was afraid of being lost
Everyone else gave him a name
Everything seemed quite vast
He could not walk all far
He often dreamt it’s last
It was slow life not war
He daydreamed of flying in spring sun
He mumbled to winter stars
The lonely air made him want to run
Summer wind sang gloomy lullabies
He wished to not be the only one
Everyone else lived in absence of his cries
Pick him move him away to safety
He barely crawled to outdoor lives
By days his heart wasn’t now lofty
They moved in together he knew
She left a year ago
Everyone else did not feel that deep
Her departure left him with a hole
She helped him forget his weep
How he went unable with years
He would cry when everyone is asleep
Who would smile him without those ears
Everyone seemed to be a little stone
Tired and blurred his heart had tears
Silent like setting sun was his noisy home
He wanted to run again and away
She showed him a beautiful unknown
Everyone else has little much to say
He yet not wished a peaceful final sleep
For she taught him the life of days
He was motionless but with promise to keep…