I could’ve been better with time

But closed doors and open eyes seldom have a visitor

And so do the open doors and closed eyes

I would’ve, if I could’ve been better with time.

Fragile touch of crawling sickness

Nausea in my cells has long been forgotten

As I map my skin, I dismember a lego

Disseminating my breaths in my lungs

Last place for my horrid affliction

And so my mind waits for the benediction

Which never comes even after the storming rain

All the perfumes die in the land of nod,

I could’ve been better with time

But broken mind and unbreakable heart keep,

Coming back to the final caveat

I couldn’t follow for the dubious guts.

I swear I would’ve, if I could’ve been

‘Better with time’, just a connotation

For me, a horrible line of catapults to cross

Ready to tear down my body and soul

I’ll not wait for the time

I’ll not wait on the world,

I’ll let myself dismember a lego

And sleep in the ashes once the world’s done with me.


A Place To Be

She asked, ‘where do you want to be?

‘In the place soothing your aching arms?

The place that calms your nerves?

Do you call it a home?’

‘I found my grace there,’ he said,

‘In two oceans I dived everyday,

And every night I sailed among the stars.

In the lap of the glory I slept.

There’s a place where I forgot my wars.’

‘What does it look like?’ she asked again,

‘Are there flowers? Is there rain?

Do the butterflies flutter all noon?

And eve’ falls with crickets on streams?’

‘Yes, yes,’ he replied as he dived deep inside,

‘I smelled the flowers under the shade,

And felt rain running across the soft terrain,

And I’ve seen the wings that blew all noon

And the bugs lighting up at ocean when sun went vain.’

‘What a mystical world that must be,’

She said, ‘where your heart now goes,

‘Where it rains and snows and grass grows

‘Where you must be if not here.’

‘I must be, if I could,’ he said and coughed,

The black had reached to his lungs and the heart,

Then the breath ceased like a snapped twig

And his head went back to the start.

To the start where he had met him the first,

The eyes, the ocean, the unquenchable thirst.

And in nights they would lit up like stars,

And his thighs were where he found the lost solace.

He was his home,

The one who had a world within

A world that called for eons and eons.

And everytime he died in the loop,

The frail mind led him beyond death

A place from where he borrowed his sounds

And kept searching for the soul he lost somewhere.

6am to 10pm

Don’t don’t don’t copulate,

Between 6am to 10pm

Don’t don’t don’t masturbate

Between 6am to 10pm

Don’t sell condoms between

6am to 10pm I said again

And turn on ‘Astha Channel’

Hey Yogi, did yoga today?

Cow stretch? There come Gau-rakshaks

Don’t don’t don’t speak

Between 6am to 10pm

Sex education? Excuse me?

Not between 6am to 10pm

Take that business to your home

But not between 6am to 10pm

However if you want to buy some condoms,

Buy between… ‘Hey where’s your Aadhar?’

Did you link it to your ‘ahem-ahem bill?’

Not between 6am to 10pm.

What did you say?

1.6 Cr abortions in India?

81% at home?

Nah, not between 6am to 10pm.

50% pregnancies unintended?

Not between 6am to 10pm.

Peacock doesn’t cry between 6am to 10pm.

Cow doesn’t give birth between 6am to 10pm.

Modi doesn’t…. Ahem-ahem. Sorry!

What? 4-year old boy molested a 4-year old girl?

Nah, not between 6am to 10pm.

‘But sir, school starts at 9a…’


Padmavati, Padmavati Padmavati…

‘But sir, 300,000 farmers protested in Delhi…’


Not between 6am to 10pm.

‘Government is giving Chastity belts for free’

‘But I don’t want it.’

Brainwash, Padmavati, Shambhulal, Cow, 370.

‘How the hell it came on my genitals,

What the… Why can’t I open it?’

‘We linked it to your Aadhar.’

Sigh. ‘Let’s enter the Aadhar number.

What the…. Why can’t I still open it?’

Not between 6am to 10pm.

A Tale of Morning

Mornings are said to be brought by that old man

Who had no faith, no hate and no hands

They say he had a tail

And the bigger teeth

And his shadow walked below

Ground the underneath

And he tolled the night

Long and neverending

He waited to pull it up

With fangs and tails and legs

And strength never spending

They say it was a long era

And millions of nights had died

And the stars were shaking

Out o’ his mighty fright

And years then rolled

And creatures not now slept

In the misty atmosphere of the shivering Earth

All Pariahs gladly wept

Mountains roared and clouds did thunder

Trees screamed in Valhalla under

And then came a golden thread

A thing of beauty unseen before

The corns were corns and fire red

Everyone was screaming in joy

The snake that came from frozen mountains

A crocodile across from farland river

A tree from the valley of nocturne fever

And the owl ocean-side

All had appeals, all had rejections

And then came hovering the second thread

The panic rose high and some of them condemned

And now the fire was yellow

And the snow was melting low

Then the third thread, then the fourth, then more

Chaos touched the peak and everyone cried

Some at beauty, some at horror

With watery eyes they looked now farer

Old man’s fangs glistened

And tail twisted, legs stepped back

Then came the burning sun

And cold was forced to be mellow

Everyone stopped and some went to sleep

At the edge of the morning some did profusely weep

And then the fangs fell

Like diamonds slithering through mist

And tail turned to a hundred petals and to melting wind

The skin then shed to dust

And came a spirit that touched a few creatures

Then the morning rose and smiled

And from those who screamed in horror and those who screamed in joy

They say we all have come from them

What Are You?

I guess we both aren’t coming up

Everytime my fingers run over you

You sink deeper into my heart

I sink deeper into your skin

And that’s a comfort there

In the warm core of your youth

On subtle, soft flesh I run miles

The rhythm of your melodies

The charm of the words falling out of your mouth

The lips that curve perfectly

Like a goddess celebrating her body

Like a mighty lord channeling his power

Like a butterfly breaking through the cocoon

You make an intimidating appearance

You dawn upon me like desire to a devil

You make me wanna cry profusely

So perfect at symmetries, how could it be?

Those fingers, those legs, that sweet mouth I taste

Have I ever tasted anything sweeter than, before?

You’re a greed to my eyes

A power to my waist

A passion to my jittering brain

A dark desire to my losing heart

Everytime I lie with you

Every inch of your skin on my skin

Each moment of your mouth on my mouth

Liberation comes through bed

Liberation comes through this perilous lust

Liberation comes through holding you naked

And this wasted youth is wasted even more on you

And then you ask if I’m in it?

I was into you the very first time I saw you

Through the glass of now broken glasses

I guess I saw you and told myself that I wanted it

Every inch of your mighty thrust

Every bud of that moving tongue

Every strand of those dark brown hair in my fingers

Yes, I wanted it all the moment I saw you

I was conscious

I was wondering if I looked good enough

But then you made it feel like unnecessary

Bowled me over my senses

Belittled me with those bewitching glances

Sorcerer, I thought to myself

How could someone be so majestic?

That it makes me want to cry

Makes me want to worship

Take you in my mouth and blow your mind

Show you that you’re wanted

That you’re cared for

That you’re a dark desire to someone

That you make it hard to breathe at times

That you make me want to write poems

That you make me a little more like you

I expand, I swear I expand

And now it feels like I’m bigger than before

You’re an enchantress

You’re a magician and I’ve become a trick

Oh and when you lie on me

Can I describe that feeling?

The way you guide my limbs when we do it

The way you move my waist

Or work my body in a hundred ways

Can I express those moments?

Words will fall short

God, you make me imbecile

What are you?

Flicker of smoke like a trampled will
Her face, her grace, all over the place
And the tears, the tears and the wears
Sinking like a bolt into the Earth
The wind, the wind up and glint of eyes
Flare like a comet through the chest
Did she know, no I guess no

The wait, the weight of ever late
Like a sailing cloud never coming down
Crosses her heart like a dagger of faith
How she felt her lips, wisps of lost chase
Going right, in the right of her wrong
Digging desperately into her face
Like pins, sow the heap, heap and sow

Mercy, the more she sees the moor of her dreams
Crippling like a broken branch against wind
She’d go down, drown and grow alone
In the blighted superstition of her hope
Striking like a tsunami against her life
She does know, I guess she’d always known
It is soon to be over, over her suffering

If love were the fire
Then his words were the gasoline
And his eyes two marbles ready to ignite everything they fell upon

If love were the ice
Then my body was the water
And his touch was more than enough to freeze me to absolute zero

If love were a flower
Then I was just another pollen
And his glance was the fresh air that took me in the arms and brought me to ovary

If love were the blue sky
Then I was just a light falling through
And he was the air that dispersed me

If love were the black sky
Then he was the stars and the moon
Giving it a definite face and a definite view

If love were the breeze
Then his glance was the gas
And his grace was the van der Waals holding it all together

If love were the sleep
Then his smile was the first dream
And his carelessness was the comfort that gives it the existence

If love were the trees
Then his limbs were the branches on which I swung
And his hair were the leaves I found comfort under

If love were the ground beneath
Then his chest was the mantle I lay my head upon
And his beautiful arms were the soil that covered me

If love were the home
Then his passion was the four walls
And my mesmerized heart was the roof resting upon it

If love were the consciousness
Then his wisdom was the feelings
And his laughter was the curiosity to understand them all

If love were the road
Then his burning penis was the gravel
And his lips were the destination I had to reach to

If love were the journey
Then his body was the time
And my madness was the steps taken through

If love were a fragrance
Then his musk was the source of all the perfume
And I was the sense to pick it

But love was the death
And he was a life lived and won
I was the after, the unknown…

A Failing System of Organs

As I sit today with a sense of void
It is easy to comprehend that I might crumble
With my thoughts shimmering low
And my body giving a way to cold
My palms sweat excessively, so do my feets
I feel this sadness crawl into my gut
The final place where it would rest
I feel as weak as a broken branch of a tree
My whole tree, my sense of self, seems to have abandoned me
I can feel my heart slowing down
Just enough to let me know that love is dead
But not low enough to die along with it
As I try to begin to understand
How some people never intended to let me down
It’s just that their best wasn’t as big as I expected
And soon as my hopes crumble right under my feet
As my aspirations abandon my eyes
I could see all of them crying for me there
And as I begin to wonder if I am sinking into my lost eyes
Mirror breaks just a little
My heart cannot sink in its own blood
So it starts to sink in my failures
Just enough to succumb and porpoise
But not enough to let go and find a release
Not that it has no strength
It could still go on and lift the world, take on it again
But what for? Where is the purpose?
What keeps you alive if spirit is.. just gone?
I can hear my heart screaming at times
Haunted by all the love it smothered itself
Why does it not want to hope again?
Perhaps, because hopes have abandoned it, to find a better place
After all, they were alive when they left
No one wants a grave for a home
But here I walk, a grave of a thousand dreams
An obituary of dismantled brain
Here where an unexplored world lives within a ravaged one.
A failing system of organs.


The heartbreak won’t leave you
It will stare you right in the face
Lie on the bed next to you
Like a dead ghost, a dormant rock

It will weigh you down
Until you know you can go no further
Until you know you are helpless
And hit that dial on the phone

It will sit right across the hall
And make faces like an annoying child
Call you his or her name again and again
Drag behind you if you run away

It will hide in your clothes
And feed on your eyes every night
Ring in your eardrums in silence
Will dance on your skin like goosebumps

It will flow in your pen or in your brush
Or flow in your tears or in the blood
Perhaps flow through your windpipe and choke you
Maybe flow through your guts and to uretha

It will dance in your head every morning
And become a stump when others would dance
It will wrap around your fingers, like water
It will intensify with every laughter

It will be there, every before and after
And won’t stop until it becomes your master
It will become your monster and ruin your head
And then one morning you will find it is dead

And when it will leave you, it will keep you a gift
There will be strength blooming from the unforgiving rift
The rift that it left as it splat your heart
And then it will wait untill you once again start.

For a While

Like a hunger, love hits my guts
Warm hearth is where it stays
Like crimson aura of swaying palm tree
Sweet as fickle wind on my window

It becomes a hunger unaddressed
Doesn’t have a place to go
Before I swallow it or it swallows me
Thoughts devour my last premonition

Who knew I would miss my heart a day
When it was a kid, free and wild
Now it is tamed, it tames and troubles
Peace be upon it, piece bygone it

And shall I suffer at his tricky smile
I hope love will wait on me for a while