As I sit today with a sense of void
It is easy to comprehend that I might crumble
With my thoughts shimmering low
And my body giving a way to cold
My palms sweat excessively, so do my feets
I feel this sadness crawl into my gut
The final place where it would rest
I feel as weak as a broken branch of a tree
My whole tree, my sense of self, seems to have abandoned me
I can feel my heart slowing down
Just enough to let me know that love is dead
But not low enough to die along with it
As I try to begin to understand
How some people never intended to let me down
It’s just that their best wasn’t as big as I expected
And soon as my hopes crumble right under my feet
As my aspirations abandon my eyes
I could see all of them crying for me there
And as I begin to wonder if I am sinking into my lost eyes
Mirror breaks just a little
My heart cannot sink in its own blood
So it starts to sink in my failures
Just enough to succumb and porpoise
But not enough to let go and find a release
Not that it has no strength
It could still go on and lift the world, take on it again
But what for? Where is the purpose?
What keeps you alive if spirit is.. just gone?
I can hear my heart screaming at times
Haunted by all the love it smothered itself
Why does it not want to hope again?
Perhaps, because hopes have abandoned it, to find a better place
After all, they were alive when they left
No one wants a grave for a home
But here I walk, a grave of a thousand dreams
An obituary of dismantled brain
Here where an unexplored world lives within a ravaged one.
A failing system of organs.
The heartbreak won’t leave you
It will stare you right in the face
Lie on the bed next to you
Like a dead ghost, a dormant rock
It will weigh you down
Until you know you can go no further
Until you know you are helpless
And hit that dial on the phone
It will sit right across the hall
And make faces like an annoying child
Call you his or her name again and again
Drag behind you if you run away
It will hide in your clothes
And feed on your eyes every night
Ring in your eardrums in silence
Will dance on your skin like goosebumps
It will flow in your pen or in your brush
Or flow in your tears or in the blood
Perhaps flow through your windpipe and choke you
Maybe flow through your guts and to uretha
It will dance in your head every morning
And become a stump when others would dance
It will wrap around your fingers, like water
It will intensify with every laughter
It will be there, every before and after
And won’t stop until it becomes your master
It will become your monster and ruin your head
And then one morning you will find it is dead
And when it will leave you, it will keep you a gift
There will be strength blooming from the unforgiving rift
The rift that it left as it splat your heart
And then it will wait untill you once again start.
Like a hunger, love hits my guts
Warm hearth is where it stays
Like crimson aura of swaying palm tree
Sweet as fickle wind on my window
It becomes a hunger unaddressed
Doesn’t have a place to go
Before I swallow it or it swallows me
Thoughts devour my last premonition
Who knew I would miss my heart a day
When it was a kid, free and wild
Now it is tamed, it tames and troubles
Peace be upon it, piece bygone it
And shall I suffer at his tricky smile
I hope love will wait on me for a while
Just tell me this, ‘why do you have to go?’
All the blues in reds, do we know?
Is there an end to this madness?
Do flowers grow where we fall?
A little bit of reason might suffice,
Just tell me who we are saving from.
Are we really willing to win?
And if we do, isn’t it just a whim?
Why are we raging war for peace?
Why are we killing when we are made to love?
‘Where do you have to go?’
Will we meet again?
If it is love for your nation
Do we love our home enough?
For the motives of just a few
You fight when I know you don’t
Who wants to kill, I know you don’t
You wish the war doesn’t begin
But you still go when they call
Is that how women and men fall?
All the soil and the sky
They see everything passing them by
I don’t think they love us
That’s why they didn’t give us wings or roots.
Or maybe they loved us so much?
And they did not bind us to them thus
So that we could go and explore the universe
Why are we fighting yet?
‘Why do you have to go?’
Do they cry differently when you kill?
Or spill a different blood?
Do thorns grow where they die?
As I live under a shadow
Of gas and of fear
The ammunition of sorrow
Lingers on forever here
On sweet snow and pines
Shattered roof of these shrines
Take a look at these valleys
Graves that rise in rallies
A fight that never ends
Stones and sticks on skin like drums
Of freedom forsaken amends
In wails and silenced hums
Some are taken and never returned
Some are gone and just gone
Rest lay here turned and turned
Imprisonment keeps moving on
I am the smoke and I am the ice
Hiding in days and sleepless at nights
It is my valley, dolor in paradise
Cascade of lost and neverending lights
Welcome to Kashmir
A land that never rests
Of home and of fear
Of sold souls’ formidable tests
Oh my eyes are open
And I see the colours passing by
Isn’t the world beautiful?
When rain flows in the air
Oh my heart is open
And I let pain turn into pleasure
Let my life dance to its beats
When I do not know where I am going
It is like a sweet cold wind
That makes me shiver and ecstatic
Makes me freefall as I start to hurt
When I fail and I fall down
Oh my love is open
For everyone who comes or goes
Nothing extraordinary or brilliant
It is as ordinary as billions of others’
Very common and very authentic
When I know I am beautiful
Like all the beautiful people
Trying to be more human
Oh my mind is open
For everything I see and feel
From swindle to a child’s smile
When I know the world is failing
But it will go on even if it fails
For as strong as the earth is
Human is its offspring and more
Oh I wish I had been here before
Air is all the gloom
My pain in bossom bloom
All the talks and noise
Are the clinging doom
In the eyes stoned and dreamy
Tomorrow is just another tomorrow
Yesterday was a lost echo
And future always seems creamy
But when I am with myself
No one is with me or mine
Writing down pain helps but not
Your words scream for help
You write and you think
You think more than you should
In thoughts darker than charcoal
Linger at teary brink
Healing is just a hoax
In time you become numb
And stay the way until you succumb
With enough to death coax
Oh heaven, will it ever cease?
Lest I go on and lay my heart
To the ruthless dust of my thoughts
And die when it’s enough to ease?
Oh Delhi, you old yet raw abode
Your veins are flooded
Your bones are cluttered.
The way you boil is impatient,
And your slithering chill sedates
Yet culminates the hearts.
You rise and you run the miles.
You do not sleep or yawn.
The wind you harbour is not air
It is life playing and bruising
It is hopes assembled and raged.
How I hate your guts
The way you churn our souls
There is a dishonesty in your honesty
And dishonesty that reeks of honest pain.
You can turn a rock into gold
And make titanium crumble
That is your might, your force.
Love has a million meanings to you
And yet love for you is pure.
You can take more than you give
And what you give is forever more
Than what we take in believe
And you ever did the candid
Show that outdid forevermore.
Change of seasons and weather
That muses the muse and troubles the breath
They say you reek of inhumane shell
Yet I find a humanity lying in your fissures
Strange, frightening and intimidating humanity
In the furnace of your revolutions
So fierce that it tans the souls
Makes some wings rust and some soar.
You withdraw whatever, whenever you want
And you give like a humble old woman
Aren’t you fascinating?
Never growing old, never the same
Such cage of sad pleasure
Such land of rising dreams
For heartbreak enliven wants
Weaving their meanings in your lap.
Oh dear life
Where are you?
Waiting in the shades
I have been
In the hands of cold
Over the night
Welp, you too?
Waiver and fade
In the unseen
In pains two fold
And meet me by my old
Home abandoned, broken
Crucify my memory
Mount on the front wall
Castrate my soul
And masterpiece me cold
Heart sullen, woken
Halted on nodes
Call me if you see
Mundane me like Fall
Crude Bones are old after all
Buried in my face
Looming in my skin
Lunging for riddance
From me, from us
Turning to ashes
For we are apart
Benign be on me, grace
Love, dear life to win
Let me sleep thence
Feel your healing gush
Tending in your eyelashes
Forever, to start
In the corner of that Metro seat
There I saw a raging heat
Spark in those sweet eyes
Mercy of laughter at my heartbeats
Never knew what love looked like
Until it crashed into my heart
That one look, one smile
Taste of salvation set me apart
And I knew our hearts were beating together
Who knew you’d liked me too
And sky would be extraordinarily blue
When you asked me out, sweet lord
And laid by lake in the morning dew
Love looked like us suspended in the moonlight
And I crashed into your arms, my home
Our hearts were valleys of flowers
And your eyes were my greatest roam
And You knew our hearts were beating together
I remember when we fought the world
And you used your voice and words
The nights you couldn’t sleep, my love
Till you won and freed the birds
And Love looked like your wedding ring
Then flowers crashed on the aisle
Our dog we raised and lost, you cried
Like never before for months while
And we knew our hearts were beating together
I saw you across the street in the summer heat
Like the past was on repeat
Years just to come to this
When from bus you saved that kid
Love looked like tubes in your skin
Your strong smile crashed my strength
I carried you home when I knew I had to
You slept peacefully at the end
And I knew my heart was beating alone