If love were the fire
Then his words were the gasoline
And his eyes two marbles ready to ignite everything they fell upon

If love were the ice
Then my body was the water
And his touch was more than enough to freeze me to absolute zero

If love were a flower
Then I was just another pollen
And his glance was the fresh air that took me in the arms and brought me to ovary

If love were the blue sky
Then I was just a light falling through
And he was the air that dispersed me

If love were the black sky
Then he was the stars and the moon
Giving it a definite face and a definite view

If love were the breeze
Then his glance was the gas
And his grace was the van der Waals holding it all together

If love were the sleep
Then his smile was the first dream
And his carelessness was the comfort that gives it the existence

If love were the trees
Then his limbs were the branches on which I swung
And his hair were the leaves I found comfort under

If love were the ground beneath
Then his chest was the mantle I lay my head upon
And his beautiful arms were the soil that covered me

If love were the home
Then his passion was the four walls
And my mesmerized heart was the roof resting upon it

If love were the consciousness
Then his wisdom was the feelings
And his laughter was the curiosity to understand them all

If love were the road
Then his burning penis was the gravel
And his lips were the destination I had to reach to

If love were the journey
Then his body was the time
And my madness was the steps taken through

If love were a fragrance
Then his musk was the source of all the perfume
And I was the sense to pick it

But love was the death
And he was a life lived and won
I was the after, the unknown…

Advertisements

A Short Night Long

A day, a night and a chore
Be the plight of airborne heart
Calm and chaotic lips ashore
Down on mine part by part

Essence of the mirth on those fingers
Fashioned me in a longing longing for more
Growing inch by inch the thirst lingers
Hands in hands behind closed doors

In the eyes like candles in the dark
July to august in rain of those talks
Knuckles and ankle give off a spark
Lay it down in bed to feel hearts walk

Maybe it was that warmth or that skin
Nimble on the seams and fire on the arc
Oh, sweet face, sweeter from within
Pushed me beyond that Eros mark

Quivered as we touched and kissed and sweeten
Reverbed when left like a leaf on the storm
Sweet still when I slept and awaken
To mercy my cold, oh that raging warmth

Untied me and savoured to guts and thoughts
Vessels of those eyes never to run out
When it finally ended I was reeling into lots
Xenoned then, quietly so loud

Yesternight ended and the dream was over
Zeal was my plight and whim new sober

8th August

Dear Hachi,

My world has come tumbling down. What I always was scared of has happened. For the first time in my life I’m scared and alone altogether. For the first time I’m feeling so helpless, a different kind of helpless. For the first time, I feel helpless for someone else and for myself too. World as I knew has changed tonight. It is never going to be the same again. Tonight is the night everything will fall down. I’m going to be broken on the floor. I wish I could do something. I wish I could help him and I wish I could help me. If I’m this miserable right now, I cannot even begin to understand how miserable he is feeling. All these emotions have swarmed my head. I’m guilty, I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m helpless, I’m stranded, I’m fucking vulnerable. How do I make it all right? How do I help him? How do I help me?

Life has come to a place where heartbreak feels easier. This rude reality has shocked my very fabric of existence. Shaambhavi is asleep, I didn’t want to wake her up. There’s no one else who could comfort me, so I am writing to you. Can you tell me that it’s going to be okay? That we are going to survive? That he will live a full life? Give me your strength if you are there. Give his heart a strength If you are around. He believes in his God. I don’t believe in anyone, but you. Will you help us get through this? You were the strongest thing I had ever known, that I will ever know. Please, save us.

A Failing System of Organs

As I sit today with a sense of void
It is easy to comprehend that I might crumble
With my thoughts shimmering low
And my body giving a way to cold
My palms sweat excessively, so do my feets
I feel this sadness crawl into my gut
The final place where it would rest
I feel as weak as a broken branch of a tree
My whole tree, my sense of self, seems to have abandoned me
I can feel my heart slowing down
Just enough to let me know that love is dead
But not low enough to die along with it
As I try to begin to understand
How some people never intended to let me down
It’s just that their best wasn’t as big as I expected
And soon as my hopes crumble right under my feet
As my aspirations abandon my eyes
I could see all of them crying for me there
And as I begin to wonder if I am sinking into my lost eyes
Mirror breaks just a little
My heart cannot sink in its own blood
So it starts to sink in my failures
Just enough to succumb and porpoise
But not enough to let go and find a release
Not that it has no strength
It could still go on and lift the world, take on it again
But what for? Where is the purpose?
What keeps you alive if spirit is.. just gone?
I can hear my heart screaming at times
Haunted by all the love it smothered itself
Why does it not want to hope again?
Perhaps, because hopes have abandoned it, to find a better place
After all, they were alive when they left
No one wants a grave for a home
But here I walk, a grave of a thousand dreams
An obituary of dismantled brain
Here where an unexplored world lives within a ravaged one.
A failing system of organs.