Air is all the gloom
My pain in bossom bloom
All the talks and noise
Are the clinging doom
In the eyes stoned and dreamy
Tomorrow is just another tomorrow
Yesterday was a lost echo
And future always seems creamy
But when I am with myself
No one is with me or mine
Writing down pain helps but not
Your words scream for help
You write and you think
You think more than you should
In thoughts darker than charcoal
Linger at teary brink
Healing is just a hoax
In time you become numb
And stay the way until you succumb
With enough to death coax
Oh heaven, will it ever cease?
Lest I go on and lay my heart
To the ruthless dust of my thoughts
And die when it’s enough to ease?
If my eyes hurt you
And if my touch burns
There is much to be through
That’s how a man learns
‘Cause if my heart hurts
And if my love wears out
I have two hands to work
To wipe tears’ whereabouts
If the world seems sadder
On yesterday’s blunders
It all is but just a ladder
To the times you would do wonders
My love is a water stain
And your love a fine flower
Mine will get uglier in rain
Yours will thrive in its shower
So don’t leave your heart at my door
Sadness scavanges here at night
I’ve buried mine at the ocean shore
‘Cause I’m too weary to put up a fight
Go find yourself a fire to fuel
Bones that ignite your soul
Your kingdom on someone to rule
Without a hole in a heart or a heart in a hole
The last time I wrote you I told you how I was left feeling something visceral. No, it wasn’t love. It was just a feeling of being left alone by someone for no good reason. I told you how I wondered if anyone would ever love me like you did. And today once again I feel like crying because I feel everything in my heart except love. I feel compassion, I feel passion, I feel hate and anger all the same, I feel care and sadness, I feel happiness and joy. But it seems like my heart has forgotten how to feel all of them in one place.
I guess I have met two people who would do anything to make me fall in love, perhaps one more than the other. Last night I felt a fire, bright and fierce, that it has left me scared. I am afraid that fire is going to burn so much down or maybe turn something into pure gold but perhaps barren. That is the thing about fires, of the gut, of heart or of substance. If controlled, it becomes the most beneficial asset, and if not controlled, it burns its beholder to ashes and everything around. I am afraid I have set a fire at places, where I am the one who couldn’t be warmed up by it. Am I an arsonist Hachi? Am I born to leave a trail of broken hearts behind me, or everyone does the same and I am no different, quite opposite to what everyone says.
Will I ever fall in love again now that I have loved you with my soul? You know if you walk up to me once and tell me that I should let myself go and fall into this river flowing from the beautiful people, I will fall in love without thinking again. But the fact is that you are gone and I will never hear your voice again. Why has it become so hard after you? Why am I suffering even when I am liberated?
Why do people fall in love with me Hachi when I am the most incapable of loving? It makes me want to cry. I feel impotent in my heart. Yet no one seems to understand the suffering. Is it my fault?
Has the story reversed Hachi? Will I keep waiting for you all my life?