Hereafter

After so many years I slept early last night
I called you up though we’ve decided not be in each other’s sights
How I feel, how I know, how I never lost control
How we’re strangers now after that heartbreak fight

Sometimes I give in, sometimes I give up
Never know how I did try to move on
Though you don’t know, I didn’t speak a word
Hope you don’t understand it was not a number wrong

And now my heart swings through excuses
That how bad you were for my health
But deep down I know you broke my heart but you never meant it
You just had a very little love to give

He calls me an infidel
This heart’s now a hell
With all the died dreams burning inside

The weather is all fine like you said
But a very little is wrong here
Your touch is impaired
I guess i’m right you don’t know where

Sometimes I feel strong, sometimes I feel wrong
Never told you, for you I kept writing songs
How do I say, how may you know, how did I kept my calm
I think it’s my arms where you do belong

And now my heart’s blue and the bruises
That how you were warm and colder
But deep down I believed you could have been
But you just had weak shoulders

I guess I was not infidel
We let go when we are done being dealt
We only let go when we are done being dealt

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Embers and fog

Pierces my heart when I think of you and her
How much similar was suffer
Like a stone carved love of tears
Never reaching the end together

Cuckoo and fish they sing
Star-crossed endeavour
Feathers and fins rust in wait
Never ending pointless tremors

You never gave what I deserved
She didn’t let me get her
Played love off beat and sunk
Drowned me to the endless bottom dirt

The loss was the fight as much fun
Avalanche of hopes crashed me far away
Step ahead to your spell I laid
Passion was lost spelled and swayed

A dance which never took place
She drove me to grave shackled in that
Coming off the edge to your embrace
Chased to the coffin was I dead?

The cliff of your eyes laid beneath
The ocean of her heat en-sheath
Last words always feel the worst
When you don’t matter anymore

I lay down and sink infinitely
Till I find the bottom I belong to
I won’t be lost by the voyage
I’ll keep moving on, i’ll find the door!

A door to contentment and lights
Where there’s no virtue or vice
The love smears to the very last ray
Hope you find, she too, we don’t have a choice,
We don’t have a choice!

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The first letter

Love lasts… It does

There comes a time when you love someone so much yet you won’t get back to them because you know they’ll never try enough to be with you, because you know you are not the one they want for the rest of their lives, because you know they miss you only because of they’re hurt. They love you but they would never put any effort because they’re too afraid of the society, too afraid of standing. Their love is too weak to last forever.
They would let you go, make you go. They would start to take your love granted, they would never put any effort in making the love last. They would lose the passion and when you’d cry to them, it would not matter. What you both had built would be ruined and you couldn’t do anything about it. They would never realise if they still love you. But once you’re asked to move away, you’d move for their happiness, for your peace.
Your love for them which was dying to live after breaking up would be living to die now. You’d secretly get to know there whereabouts or if they still talk of you. But when they would talk to you, you’d have nothing to say. Though you’d only want to listen to their voice but you wouldn’t want them to talk to you now. With time you’d grow strong enough to ward off your weakness for them.
How you’d want to tell them that it’s too late but deep inside you’d wish that they know that it’s never too late, they just need to try harder than they ever would because you had tried just too much.
You just simply love them but you’d never return because you know that you were never the one they needed for the rest of their lives and you’ll never be that one. The time of saying goodbye will come and you’d have to give up on something which will never happen, you’ll have to.

Singularity

Then she turned and said to him, ‘I can see that fire in your eyes which once burned for me but now it burns of you.’
he Stood there, frozen, lip-sealed, his eyes were holding that water which had engulfed those blue flames. His hands were empty yet there was a weight he couldn’t get rid of, his legs were weary but he was standing, his throat was deep in the cold which was radiating from the right of his chest. He opened his mouth to speak but there was so much to speak that all of it fell into dismissal, he embraced that effortless silence he made. He knew that it didn’t matter what he would say, she was there not because she was feeling guilty, she was there because she was having an impulse which was momentary, she wasn’t there for making amends, she wasn’t there for helping him out, in fact she was there to stage herself a satisfaction that she went to console him but she was so unaware of what consolation is.
He looked at her, there was a dismissal, a denial so severe that it scratched his frontal lobe for a second, he opened his mouth for that fraction of second to let the words out, ‘you should’ve told me how to distinguish that fire before you went. It’s of no use now, it’s too late,’ but he fell into dismissal once again. He couldn’t speak anything, precisely he felt that it was of no use to speak anything to her, she wasn’t there for him, she was there for herself.
‘Do you forgive me?’ she looked at him with utter gloom in her eyes as if she had been hurting herself since ever for doing what she did to him, ‘I can’t go to sleep properly, every night you race through my mind. I think of you.’
‘How much?’ he wanted to ask, ‘Do you ever wake up missing me, trying to push those tears back into your eyes while you travel to your office so that fellow passengers don’t get what you’re going through?’ but all that came out of his mouth was, ‘hmmmm,’ he was forgiving her. He was forgiving her because he knew what it was to feel how he had been feeling all these days, how it was to feel hatred for your own self, to feel sad and regret of doing things one shouldn’t have had done. None deserves to live like that, everyone has a right to have a happy life and be forgiven. He said, ‘hmmm’ and his colorless face nodded mildly. There was no expression but forgiveness for her, there was pain but no feelings for her. He was pained about loving a not-right person, she wasn’t wrong.
‘Can we be friends?’ she asked with a great hope, she thought, determined that she’d help him out of it. But you can’t help someone you had left helpless when he needed it the most, now he had learned to help himself. It was too late for her.
He had wanted her always but now he didn’t need her, he needed peace. He wanted to tell her that he had friends who were helping him out of it and they were doing a great job at it, he wanted to tell that none could compare to his friends. He wasn’t thinking rude, he was just thinking rational.
He didn’t reply though his heart was in dismissal. ‘we can’t be friends now, you are not good for my health,’ he tought to speak but then his mind stopped. He looked sideways disconsolately, ‘it’s my time to leave,’ he made a low sound in that chilly winter breeze.
‘Can’t you spend some time with me? Just for the one last time?’ she asked, she wasn’t satisfied yet, she wasn’t satisfied with the forgiveness she had just recieved. She wanted more of his time to feel forgiven. She wanted to be the first to feel that there was no need to talk anymore and everything was finally over.
There was a struggle between, she wanted to be the first again, she had always been first.
He stared into the fog which was surrounding them, tears in his eyes were not there now, he had learnt the art of pushing them back by now. ‘I have already given you so much of time from my life,’ he said in his head but not out loud because he didn’t want to hurt her or anyone. He said nothing and stepped back.
‘Would we talk if we ever meet again?’ she asked with an impulse as she felt that he was finally going.
‘I hope that we never cross each other’s paths again,’ he said it finally. He felt nothingness, a deep nothingness. As he walked away he knew that his frozen heart will thaw someday. He knew that love will prevail again someday but for that he didn’t need to wait, he needed to live.

Don’t go

Say yes, say no
Say that ever wanna let let go
I’ll be right here, beside you sleeping
Every single moment you feel low
Baby I can hold you, told you
That i’m always around
If you could trade for what you’ve found

So only if you change you mind, mind
Change your mind
We can have it together
don’t leave me for what you did find
Down on my knees, I beg you to stay
I’d rather die in this love than to play
So please change your mind and stay

Say no, don’t go
Say that you caught me in your flow
I am beside of you when you are breaking the road
Don’t know, out of my mind, you don’t need to go
I’ll change whoever wrong i’m, i’m not a liar
Change your mind, you don’t need to set my world on fire

So only if you change you mind, mind
Change your mind
We can have it together
don’t leave me for what you did find
Down on my knees, I beg you to stay
I’d rather die in this love than to play
So please change your mind and stay

Everything’s going, everything’s going to dust
Steel strong love is turning to rust
Everything’s going, everything’s just
No, don’t go, don’t go love

So only if you change you mind, mind
Change your mind
We can have it together
don’t leave me for what you did find
Down on my knees, I beg you to stay
I’d rather die in this love than to play
So please change your mind and stay