The Grace

Silence rolls down the hills

Of these mountains tall

It seems like a season of spring

Instead, it’s the season of fall.

No one hears the howling wind

No one can see the snow

But the cold comes uninvited

On branches that hang low.

The mountain top is blankest of all

No clouds, no sun, no moon, no stars

What a sight to see and grieve

It casts no shadow no matter the hours.

It simply could be a void in space

Or it is something else I feel

The mountain top is as real as I

The silence reaches the town tonight.

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Back to the place of faith

Can I touch my heart, my Lord?

It doesn’t feel like it is there

And I’m so afraid that it’s missing

I’m too afraid to touch it even

I wonder if you’ve been seeing.

There’s a blob of worry in the place

And sweat of anxiety in my bones

My veins have encircled my neck

I wonder if my blood is my death.

Can I touch and feel you, my Lord?

Does it hurt you too?

They tell me we all are parts of you.

I feel alone

Though I have decades of love

Would it make things a little easier

If I believed that you’re somewhere above?

My senses are shamble

And my feet crawl in gamble

And it’s not easy when I sit quietly

It’s hard when I don’t move

But when I move I feel lost

Even though I know I am home.

Can I touch my heart, my Lord?

Tell me that it’ll be there when I do

That it hasn’t left

That you’ll hide me, for I’m still a part of you!

Nothing

I could hear it,

Deep down in my hollow senses,

There’s a sound,

And it comes from my heart

The sound of cracks

Running down its ridges as it beats.

There’s no happiness, there’s no pain

Just a simple sound,

Like of those dried out petals

Low and mumbling.

And I run in my mind when there’s nowhere left to run

And sink in my blood when there’s nowhere to hide

Words they speak fall on my ears

Only to be overpowered by that low and mumbling sound.

My feet know no destination

My hands know no craft

And my eyes find no sight when all that’s there is vast landscape of

Nothing.

For a moment of comfort that’s taking forever to appear

I wonder if the time too loses its way

I wonder if breaths too go stray.

How do I cross this river when there’s no shore?

And there’s no point in drowning in it when I drown in the flood of my own eyes

Everyday.

I know that there are people who love me

But my own love is slipping away

My skin is shaking, my bones turn into vapour.

All that I can see is the mound of flesh.

My bed is my grave

And my thoughts are my funeral

I’m losing touch with myself

Where am I drifting to?

I hope there’s peace there where I don’t have to carry my body,

It’s too heavy to lift while I’m inside.

I thought they’d lift it and cheer

But they’re going to lift it and cry.

The Peace

There are clouds here,

I’m below them

Are you on one of these?

As I look up, all these shapes

Are you making them,

Are you making the drops and the winds?

Are you striking the lightening in my eyes?

Is it you who cries?

When all you see is sore

Without your mercy, without your mouth,

When it thunders.

Do you see me from above?

When I think of you and sleep,

Is it you who sends cool breeze to slap my ears,

Whenever I sit and weep?

Is that white the shade of your cheek?

Is the pink your tongue, when you speak?

Because it calms me down.

After all the gray beneath you

Do you wave these birds flying by

For they chirp and they tweet

And send the love beneath my feet.

And now I hear this Azaan,

To my childhood, which belongs

And all that’s in my heart is quiet,

Do you hear it too,

When all that is, is at peace?

The Missing Good: Home

Look around, everybody’s trying not to feel alone

Staring at their phones

Do they have a place to call home?

Everybody’s got a place to live

To work, to eat and to sleep

Do we have a place to plant love?

To smell sweet flowers with bees hovering above?

When we left home, the place where we grew up

Did we know it’ll become alien to us?

That we’ll have to always rush

To call someone our own?

How we try not to feel alone.

Is there a place where we all could be?

All the wanderers, through their heart if we could see

Is that a home? A place to laugh and sleep

Where we can wake up forever

To someone to wipe our tears when we weep.

Pushing ourselves to work late

So that we won’t have to think

And with every passing minute

One more smile we all sink.

And when the night comes outside

We hide behind the closed doors

And then we look around

It isn’t a place to call home.

We cover ourselves in comforts

To replace the Missing Good,

But the Missing Good is just Missing Good

It’s not sadness in our hood.

Is our company that boring

That we cringe when we are alone?

Or we need some motivation

To help move our lazy bones.

When we shut the windows with curtains

And binge watch a TV series

Or, perhaps read a book and imagine

That’s the closest to interaction we could be.

It’s not alone, as long as we are distracted

It’s not a home, as much as we have interacted

It’s not our generation to be blamed

We just have anxious hearts

For all the madness in the world

That’s trying to rip it apart.

At the end of the dusk, where night meets the moon

It’s just somebody’s love to crawl into

That’s our home, where we are not judged

Where blowing winds slamming windows don’t bother us;

‘Home is where the heart is,’ they say

And a heart is there where another one is,

Whether, then, it’s grass we lay on

Or the sand, on to sleep at night

A home is where two hearts are locked in the sight

Where nobody ever feels alone

No more staring in their phones

Where they could rest their bones

Hurt and broken by world’s sticks and stones.

A Moon Under Sun

It’s been a year, oh my dear

It’s a happy song

That your breath makes

And your heart takes

Beats from dusk till dawn

It’s truth, I swear, I’ve been queer

Since you came along

I’ve climbed the curves

On you I’ve swerve’

From gasp to every yawn.

I might not have done the things you asked

Might not have learnt your stride

But years are to come and earth’s to walk

I’ll learn while I’m on your side.

But then again, I might have done

The things your heart won’t miss

Won’t say, won’t breathe, won’t murmur or tweet

Won’t even even whisper in bliss;

Things like you’ve done

A Moon Under Sun

A cloud beneath sky

A flower and a fly

Things that have made me high.

So, to one more to come and go, then again

With bricks and gravel and stones

We’ll watch things done, smile like bums

And cry to heal our cluttering bones.

And then when you’ll sleep, or laugh, or weep

I’ll keep a hand on your ear

And tell you lame jokes

So that you can poke

Through my heart another spear. (Don’t!)

Home

We’ll build this home with stones

From the mountains in our bones

Of the love that seeps through our skin

We’ll leave a few cracks to let light in.

Through the days we’ll hang our years

On the walls if we tremble in fear

And the nights we’ll burn our lights

To bring home all the birds on flight.

With every memory on the floor

We’ll sleep on behind the open doors

To welcome our pieces that had gone

To let them in before the last dawn.

We’ll wash it with our last tears

Of the laughter that’ll bring us near

To all that we were when we were kids

And remember all that we ever did.

And our hearts will rest in embrace

In our chests they’ll still race

In the comfort and warmth of these walls

In the winters, in the summers, in the falls.

And one day we’ll close our eyes

Under the roof of the mountains wise

We’ll sleep just for one last time

With all that is yours and mine.

We’ll Be Just Fine

These steps will be marked on the path

In the name of what we’ll find

A crack in the time

I promise we’ll be just fine.

Walking miles and miles

Going to the mountains and bends

Across the rivers we will cross

As we will make our amends

To all that we’ve taken from this life.

Oh, the compass of your eyes

Will guide me home when there’s no light

Like you trail to my heart’s sight,

I know we’ll be just fine.

As we chase that end line

Where sky kisses the sea

The way meet the hands of you and me.

Years and years will pass once we’re gone

The world bound to love will still go on

But then it wouldn’t be yours or mine

And until it is ours, we’ll be just fine.

An emblem of love that sprouts

In the seeds when it meets the ground

As the universe weaves life after life

I knew we too would be found

No matter if you went miles away

These hearts will still face the day

Like a sunkissed fragile vine

Blossoms in the sweet moonlight,

It tells us we’ll be just fine.

Carved by the mystery of this force

That brings us close, makes us bold

Even in the times of uncertainty

Love that touches all of us is the form of infinity,

As long as the suns ignite under their gravity,

A part of our contribution will keep it strong,

Even when we’re no more the same matter

The breeze will still cater

The flowers that grow and die

While life in wrinkles passes them by,

Your heart will be a home to thousands

And so will be mine,

The love that keeps world together will ensure,

The eyes that hold it must shine,

And I know, just like that, we’ll be just fine.

The Merman

My little merman, why do you weep?

With tears like vapour in atmosphere

Heart’s on the end, like a pearl in a seep

Long after the oyster sleeps

In sleep that rests in old graves

Your petty heart was the boldest brave

Now it’s like a tree in a foreign land

That’s made of heat and wind and sand.

Your mind is thinking while your body sinking

In depths of Rome, doesn’t exist anymore.

I sat on the shore and found an open door

In the sea that you wept, and watched Angels, slept.

And when I tell you that I love you

Seems like this water won’t let my words reach

My pretty merman, why those tears carve

A loss on your face? It’s not a race.

And then you swim away in the sea that you’ve made

I row my boat; how far will we go?

My hands are tired, my head’s in the fire

Of fever that’s burning this shell of sea,

In which you’ve been hiding and avoiding

The birds bring you air, through vapour I fare.

Tell me what you’re finding, in depths of blinding

Tears you weep, through which your dreams seep

out, and I know I will have to dive

Because you’re in deep, I fear you’ll sleep

there. My pretty merman, give me your hand

I swim through the sea, to take you to breeze.

My fears are breaking but my hands are shaking

I do not know how far we will go.

Nobody Hears

Here I’m walking to you

Above the surface of all that’s true

Do you hear? Maybe I’ll talk and not just speak

It’s been moments void in weeks.

Would you give me your breathe?

For all that’s here in life’s wrath?

Maybe I’ll ask for a second chance

And one draw from another glance

Look at the stars, do they draw my face?

Weary and drawn through all this race

When I toss and turn in my sheets

Find my thoughts there but not sleep.

‘Hello!’ do you hear across the bed

My fights are only in my head.

I drew an art at the end of the night

Which overtook the morning light

Sitting across the horizon

Wasted on the seams of my reason.

Give me love but don’t give me choice

I am bound to commit to vice.

What if all the love that I’ll ever know is this?

Travelling miles and miles through the night

To sooth my aching arms in the home’s light?

I’m still falling in love

What if this is all the love that you’ll ever get?

So I wrote and I write all these poems

Hoping you will sing along.

Cause everybody’s just talking,

Nobody hears

You can be the sun, I’m a comet’s song.